Friday, 10 September 2010 - Written by Coy[profile]
My fire had all but been snuffed. I quit running nearly all together, and picked up some very unhealthy bad habits. People, even friends have counted me out, and to be honest I almost agreed with them.
One thing they didn't consider is where I had come from to get to where I was. After all I was homeless and jobless when I began running to get away from these very same bad habits. I started out as a 9 minute plus miler, and became a marathoner knocking on the door of a BQ.I still have my dream, and a little spark, and a gleam in my eye. It's going to take alot of effort, but I'm not finished yet. Today is day one. Maybe that spark will light the fire. I hope so!
rcblu2 says:
I am glad you still have the spark. Your comment about people counting you out made me think of an article I read about someone who was inspired to turn their life around and ended up doing an Ironman. If you get a chance check this out...
Coy, I'm glad things are looking up for you again. Stay positive. I know you, and know you'll reach that goal. Stay the course, and I hope to see you sometime again where the road comes up to meet our feet.
-georgia
It's what woke me up before the sun for the last three years,
it's what made me keep going through injuries, it's what helped me go from a 28:00 minute 5ker to a 20 minute 5ker, It's what got me from wanting to just finish a marathon to running a 3:38:00 marathon..it's what kept me trying and trying for Boston..
DESIRE......I know I've just put in a long season of miles...but I'm having a hard time finding mine..I hope it returns soon...because I'm not having alot of fun without it
chrissy1 says:
Maybe u just need a break? How long has it been since u had your desire. On another note...those time r incredible!!!
Mury says:
Hi Coy,
I'm certainly not sitting here thinking I have you all figured out. I don't know you at all. From your post however, it sounds like you *might* be suffering from the "I conquereds."
I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life the last few years. I find it interesting how I will go 100% in on whatever it is I'm doing for years and years. Then one day I wake up and I'm done. I've been trying to figure it out. In none of the cases is it simply one thing. It may be a combination of burnout, exterior forces making it hard to continue, a change in what we value, or the "I conquereds," etc.
What do I mean by the "I conquereds?" Well I'm sure you can pretty much figure it out, but I guess to a large extent it is the satisfying of some internal needs whether realized or not. It may be as simple as meeting some long term goal, but I don't think it has to be that explicit either. It could be some subtle need to prove something that we overcome or even get close enough to overcoming that we don't feel the drive any more to justify the continued mission.
In your case, maybe all along you had some internal goals or needs that running was helping you get to, or maybe overcome. Maybe it's as simple as proving you are capable of being an excellent runner and qualifying for Boston. Maybe it was something to do with a tough time you were going through years ago and that friendly El Guapo running group you became a part of.
To go any further in speculation is way too intrusive for me as a complete stranger. However, the wonderful thing about your old blogs is you can go back and read them. You've written a lot of things in them that give a stranger a peek at the state of mind you were in, but none of the details.
How does one get over the "I conquereds?" Well I'm not totally sure. I've found for myself it usually does involve a break. My mind needs to settle, and usually for a long time. I find that as I re-evaluate my life with all it's changes and with any changes in my own values I find clarity. To start up again I usually have a new goal and also need a fresh scene. There's often times that it just isn't that I reached a goal, but the people and the circumstances I was in were wearing me down. A good long break gives me a chance to get back into things with being able to be a lot more selective in how I go about it. I can put up safeguards to keep the negative things at bay whether internal or external. I can finally put the "I'll never do that again" comments to good use.
A break also helps me refresh all the minor positives of an activity that I may have let slide. For example, running for me is competitive, for health, but also for enjoyment. If I get too caught up in times or changes in my body I can easily lose sight of the enjoyment part. If I'm pounding pavement every day I'm going to burn out. I need new trails, and I mean specifically trails. I enjoy running over logs, up boulders, through streams and just being out alone in nature. If I lose sight of that need, I'll become lost. I might think my biggest goal is for health and good times, but it just may be the feeling of being part of nature. In any case, it's an integral part of why I would even consider running in the first place.
Despite all my speculation here and whatever it is in life that we are doing, we all need to know why it is we are doing something. If you know why you are doing something, but it isn't providing motivation then it's either time for a break or the reason why really isn't of value to you any more and it's time to re-evaluate.
Congratulations on some very successful running years. I hope to be where you are now in a couple years.
Post edited by: Mury, at: 2010/06/17 11:26
Coy says:
Thank you Chrissy. not the times i was after, just short. but i think you are right. i need to run for fun again. Best of luck with your training!
Coy says:
Mury,
You are incredibly insightful. though i will not relinquish my need to obtain the goals i fell just South of getting. i need some fun in my run. Thank you for your perspective and for freeing my mind from the "I have to's"
3 weeks to go till the Glass City Marathon. usually when i'm this close, i start becoming a basket case. I have some kind of injury, or i get really nervous about my chances of qualifying for Boston. But, something has been different. i don't feel cocky, or nervous. I've shortened my training schedule to avoid injury. my training has gone ok, nothing spectacular. I've run 3 shorter races and pr'd on all three by a slight margin. So what is different?
A few months ago I started training some women for Team in Training's Disney princess 1/2 marathon. Incredible Women, heroic in their efforts to combat Leukemia and Lymphoma, and to compete in, for most of them, their first 1/2 marathon. They all did an awesome job. Some of these young ladies chose to still train with me. One of these special young ladies continued and had me train her for her first marathon. she chose nashville, which is not an easy first marathon. she is a warrior! i've been putting her to the test with long milage hi...
Monday, 08 February 2010 - Written by Coy[profile]
Breaking my silence after a prolonged abscense from the Blog world. i've been reading and keeping up with you other bloggers. I find inspiration and really enjoy following others on the search for their goals. keep it up gang, keep logging and blogging!
I fell silent for a few reasons. i had to endure some pretty heavy emotional life stuff, i have been working on my book, and i fell prey to dissapointment once again. Injury 15 weeks into training and running a marathon with a stress fracture meant i wasted another 4 months effort at my goal. I finished with my worst time yet a 4:15. But, i found a greater cause. i am coaching a group of women for Team in Training to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon. They are amazing, and it's definately one of the greatest experiences of my life. They are not only progressing as atheletes, but they are really making a difference in the fight against Leukemia, Lymphoma, and all blood cancers. They are true hero's, and I am privledged to get to b...
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bige91 says:
Glad your back Coy. You will get back up to speed soon knowing you.
Dreams are meant to be lived. Goals, to be strived for. I know everyday is a gift no matter what. But call me selfish, I want more. I don't want to be a middle of the pack runner. I don't want people to say "Oh he runs pretty good for what he's been through". I don't want to live a life of excuses. it's time to call on that intestinal fortitude. Time to take the dream back off the shelf and see what I'm made of.
Sometimes a gift is so great, you don't really appreciate it untill it's gone. Running and the running family that has adopted me have been lifesavers, such positive forces in my life. I see that today. Today I logged my first miles since the Gate River Run, because I got greedy and demanded more of the gift than I deserve. I attempted twice in a 3 week period to run a marathon and qualify for Boston. My body could not hold up. I pushed it 20+ mile run after 20+ mile run. Never really enjoying the gifts, just becoming obsessed with the, for now at least, unobtainable. Being back on the road with my friends today made me smile. It made me remember that i run, because i love running. I also love just being around these positive, uplifting, loving friends that are so much a part of me today. I might not be going to Boston this year, but I am a very lucky man!...Viva El Guapo!
bige91 says:
Viva El Guapo. I had the pleasure of speaking with one of the club members after the race last Sunday and she was very nice and encouraging. I wish El Guapo roamed the beaches so you could start the eastern chapter.
Saturday, 14 February 2009 - Written by Coy[profile]
What can I say. Here we are again, the day before the marathon and for the first time I am not seriously doubting my chances. I am not overconfident either. I have a sense of peace splattered with excitement. I believe in the training that I've done to get to this day.
My running friends are awesome! Always so supportive. We are family, and we make it a point to be there for each other. This time, after many many turns on the sidelines, I will be one of the recipients of that support. It's a huge blessing to be a part of El Guapo! I feel almost guilty as to how I trained. i ran the majority of my long runs alone. I did this for a couple of reasons. One, I did not want to run under/over my race pace and the other marathoners on the team are a different pace. Two, I wanted to get that mental toughness you get when your out in deep water, just you and God, and your hurting. You push through it and thats how you knock down walls on Race day. You don't give in to the pain, you let your m...
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jmccaman says:
Way to go and good luck!!
Coy says:
thanks j! I didn't fair quite as well as I would have liked. a 3:56..so it's back to training.....good luck with your training as well!!!!
