chrissy1 says:

Maybe u just need a break? How long has it been since u had your desire. On another note...those time r incredible!!!

Mury says:

Hi Coy,

I'm certainly not sitting here thinking I have you all figured out. I don't know you at all. From your post however, it sounds like you *might* be suffering from the "I conquereds."

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life the last few years. I find it interesting how I will go 100% in on whatever it is I'm doing for years and years. Then one day I wake up and I'm done. I've been trying to figure it out. In none of the cases is it simply one thing. It may be a combination of burnout, exterior forces making it hard to continue, a change in what we value, or the "I conquereds," etc.

What do I mean by the "I conquereds?" Well I'm sure you can pretty much figure it out, but I guess to a large extent it is the satisfying of some internal needs whether realized or not. It may be as simple as meeting some long term goal, but I don't think it has to be that explicit either. It could be some subtle need to prove something that we overcome or even get close enough to overcoming that we don't feel the drive any more to justify the continued mission.

In your case, maybe all along you had some internal goals or needs that running was helping you get to, or maybe overcome. Maybe it's as simple as proving you are capable of being an excellent runner and qualifying for Boston. Maybe it was something to do with a tough time you were going through years ago and that friendly El Guapo running group you became a part of.

To go any further in speculation is way too intrusive for me as a complete stranger. However, the wonderful thing about your old blogs is you can go back and read them. You've written a lot of things in them that give a stranger a peek at the state of mind you were in, but none of the details.

How does one get over the "I conquereds?" Well I'm not totally sure. I've found for myself it usually does involve a break. My mind needs to settle, and usually for a long time. I find that as I re-evaluate my life with all it's changes and with any changes in my own values I find clarity. To start up again I usually have a new goal and also need a fresh scene. There's often times that it just isn't that I reached a goal, but the people and the circumstances I was in were wearing me down. A good long break gives me a chance to get back into things with being able to be a lot more selective in how I go about it. I can put up safeguards to keep the negative things at bay whether internal or external. I can finally put the "I'll never do that again" comments to good use.

A break also helps me refresh all the minor positives of an activity that I may have let slide. For example, running for me is competitive, for health, but also for enjoyment. If I get too caught up in times or changes in my body I can easily lose sight of the enjoyment part. If I'm pounding pavement every day I'm going to burn out. I need new trails, and I mean specifically trails. I enjoy running over logs, up boulders, through streams and just being out alone in nature. If I lose sight of that need, I'll become lost. I might think my biggest goal is for health and good times, but it just may be the feeling of being part of nature. In any case, it's an integral part of why I would even consider running in the first place.

Despite all my speculation here and whatever it is in life that we are doing, we all need to know why it is we are doing something. If you know why you are doing something, but it isn't providing motivation then it's either time for a break or the reason why really isn't of value to you any more and it's time to re-evaluate.

Congratulations on some very successful running years. I hope to be where you are now in a couple years.

Post edited by: Mury, at: 2010/06/17 11:26

Coy says:

Thank you Chrissy. not the times i was after, just short. but i think you are right. i need to run for fun again. Best of luck with your training!

Coy says:

Mury,

You are incredibly insightful. though i will not relinquish my need to obtain the goals i fell just South of getting. i need some fun in my run. Thank you for your perspective and for freeing my mind from the "I have to's"

Coy